How Oklahoma football, Texas can survive in the SEC (Hint: Alabama helps) | Toppmeyer

• Have a bad season? Get over it by celebrating with Alabama.
• Oklahoma, Texas need no tutorial on importance of football as they join SEC. But, will they be comfortable supporting a rival in the postseason?
• If at first you don’t succeed, fire everybody!

Welcome, Oklahoma and Texas.

Or is it Texas and Oklahoma? I go back and forth when trying to decide which school rolls off the tongue first.

One thing the Longhorns and Sooners should agree on: They’ve joined the most enviable club in college sports. The former Big 12 powers became official SEC members on Monday. Oklahoma and Texas just moved into the house with the corner lot, three-car garage and in-ground pool.

Revel in your new digs. Seriously, revel in it. Reveling in conference glory is required in the SEC.

OU and Texas require no football tutorial. As much as any of the SEC’s previous expansion additions, these two schools relate to the conference's culture and football pedigree.

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING:SEC commissioner Greg Sankey, OU's Joe Castiglione say SEC move longtime coming

OPINION:OU officially joins SEC. Time to adapt to Sooners' new world

'WE'RE COMING TO WIN':Texas Longhorns talk tough after joining SEC

Football aside, what else should OU and Texas know about their new conference? Here are a few survival-guide tips to help these newcomers better understand the SEC.

1. Always blame the refs

SEC fans know there’s no such thing as a fair-and-square loss. An opponent outplaying your team? Pfft, that never happens. If your team loses, it’s because the fix is in, and the Birmingham puppet masters determined they didn’t want your team to win. That’s especially true if you play Alabama.

The next SEC program that loses on merit and not because of the refs will be the first. Don't believe me? Ask any veteran SEC fan, and they’ll set you straight.

2. Embrace your ego, and relish the SEC's greatness

An unwavering sense of superiority is a fundamental principle of being a member in good standing in this conference. The SEC’s unmatched greatness makes all other conferences irrelevant sideshows.

The ACC is the SEC’s subordinate. The Big 12 makes for cute daytime programming. The Big Ten possesses a few good teams, but it’s not college football’s heart and soul. What’s the Big Ten got besides Ohio State and Michigan, anyway? The SEC is deep. How deep? Mississippi State would land some haymakers in some of these second-rate conferences.

3. Alabama’s success is your success in the S-E-C! S-E-C!

Let’s say your team endures a 7-5 season. You’re probably demanding everyone be fired (more on that in a moment), but take time to smell Alabama’s roses. How many bruised egos did Nick Saban salve over the years with those national championships in Tuscaloosa?

Alabama’s success is your success now. Reviling conference rivals is allowed — encouraged, even — for most of the year. Once the postseason arrives, though, the last SEC team standing becomes your team.

Why? Because facing the possibility that the SEC is not, in fact, a million times better than the next-best conference would be salt in the wound of your 7-5 season. Live vicariously through your SEC brethren. A trophy for Alabama is a trophy for the conference, from South Carolina to Missouri.

4. Celebrate your school’s revenue by contributing to it

Nothing tops the thrill of a national championship captured on the field, but a "revenue championship" provides fans with another source of pride. SEC schools haul in the cash at an unmatched rate. Fans celebrate those earnings. Heck, they contribute to them.

SEC fans show their passion in the stands but also by donating to the athletic department and funding NIL collectives.

Including Texas and Oklahoma, the SEC now possesses nine of the top 11 athletic revenue-generators from the 2023 fiscal year.

Some say money can’t buy happiness. They don’t say that in the SEC.

5. If at first you don’t succeed, fire everybody!

By now, OU and Texas fans know the SEC’s motto: It just means more. The SEC office issues a reminder approximately 29 times per day.

But do you know the SEC’s unofficial motto?

Two words: Fire everybody!

Remember when pundits hypothesized before the 2020 season that coach firings would reduce because of the COVID pandemic’s financial ramifications? How naïve. Four SEC coaches were fired during or shortly after that season. Even Vanderbilt fired its coach. And Auburn paid a $21 million buyout to fire Gus Malzahn, who had never experienced a losing season.

That’s life in the SEC, where no buyout is too big. Fire your coach in November, celebrate Alabama’s triumph in January and thump your chest year-round.

Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network's SEC Columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on Twitter @btoppmeyer.

Also, check out his podcast, SEC Football Unfiltered, and newsletter, SEC Football Unfiltered. Subscribe to read all of his columns.